The Perfect Parent

Yesterday, my oldest daughter and I had what someone might call a "Come to Jesus Meeting". She has gone over and around my rules regarding makeup more times than I can count and it was time that I stop shielding her from the consequences of her actions. She's only twelve - old enough to follow instructions but not quite old enough to make her own rules, and of course she thinks she knows what's best for her better than I do. Her excuse was something like, "I did it because I don't like the way I look when I do it your way." Before I go any further, this story is not an attempt to call her out but to share with you what I've learned from my circumstances.

Although I've explained on more than one occasion that my rules are there to help her-- not to put a damper on her life in any way, she chose to ignore them. As I thought about how to show her what she has done, it came to me - she disobeyed me in order to follow her own desires. Then it occurred to me that I recently did this very thing to God. And although I didn't think about it that way at the time, it was mere disobedience.

Anytime we choose our own selfish desires over what He tells us to do is nothing less than disobedience. Many times, it's something directly contradictory to His word but quite often we disobey direction from His Spirit as well. If we know the right thing to do and do not do it, we are doing (to Him) the very thing that many of us refuse to tolerate from our children. Isn't it time that we walk the same path that we set before them?

You might argue that there is a difference but I totally disagree. Disobedience is disobedience no matter who the subjects are. The very worst kind of disobedience, I believe, is disobedience to our perfect, omniscient God. He knows better than any of us what is best for each of us. He commands us to do or to avoid certain things because He doesn't want to see us hurt. Doesn't that sound exactly like our reasoning for the rules we set forth for our children?

Oftentimes, we tend to think we know better than God what's best for our lives. We pray for things WE WANT and we think if He doesn't give us the exact thing we pray for then He isn't listening or that He doesn't care. There have been many times that I failed to ask His will as I pray, and instead I ask only to be granted what I want. But isn't that merely another manipulation technique that our kids use on us?

Who are we that we should tell God what to do for us? Who are we that we think we know better than the God of the universe - who can see all things, knows all things and can do anything? When are we going to realize that it's NOT about what we can do, what we want or what we feel? Emotions have led humans astray for centuries and you'd think that if we are as smart as we like to think we are that we would have this lesson down pat.

Obedience requires a sacrifice. Part of that sacrifice means trading in my way for His way. The Bible is very clear on the importance of obedience. We cannot be Christians and live life our way - we just can't. How can you have faith without obedience? You cannot separate the two.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

I am a firm believer that our children mirror us and if we aren't careful to live what we believe, it will produce rebellion in the hearts of our children. He also showed me that as I punish her actions, I can and should handle her with kindness, mercy and love as I expect her to do to others- but at the same time I must be firm. I have to get her attention somehow, someway. I showed her mercy by finding a more appropriate punishment for her actions. I showed her love by reminding her that I still love her and always will but part of loving her means that I have to reign her in when she goes astray. I'm convinced that He chastises us in the same way.

I hope to model His way of parenting and I pray that He will help me to be conscious about being obedient to His commands. Afterall, the we are called to live intentionally. I pray the same for each of us because our God deserves our obedience.

Stuck in a Rut

Why is it that I know what to expect but then when those expectations become reality, I am taken by surprise? I know that certain things are to be expected because of experience, yet I fail to prepare myself to respond any differently.

I think many of you know what I mean. We know to expect something based upon experience, yet somehow we really don't expect it to happen. We know to expect certain actions and reactions from people around us, but then when it happens we walk away like a wounded dog tucking our tail and licking our wounds. We know certain actions have certain consequences but it never fails--they still take us by surprise.

A good friend recently sent this to me after seeing me struggle over the same old thing for the two thousandth time. I think this was my hint. :-)

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

By Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost... I am hopeless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in... it's a habit... but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

Perhaps I wouldn't be so prone to falling apart over the negative not-so-surprises if I "planned" for them. It sounds silly I know, but hey I'm a planner and I don't always adjust well to spontaneous events because they disrupt my great plans, as silly as they might be. Many of us have to actually plan to do things differently, it doesn't just happen.

Several studies have been done on habit changing and each have proven that it takes repetition and time to change a habit. Who we are and how we react are part of our wiring. And whether we're wired-up by our parents, other family members, our environment or a combination of factors is irrelevant because they're all flawed. That being said--no wonder we have no chance of obtaining perfection in this lifetime.

It seems to me that as Christians, everything we do hinges on faith and if we're easily shaken then the first thing we should question is our faith.  As I search myself for reasons why I fall into the same old trap, I realize I could spend a lifetime on the "why's" but I can't pray enough for a renewed mind and an upright heart. I believe that Jesus Christ came to save me from death but even as I grow in faith, I find holes in my faith. And I think all of us are like this...we have faith but as we face hard times we are forced to face the unbelief in our hearts.

"The father instantly cried out, 'I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!'" Mark 9 :24 NIV

Make no doubt about it, hard times can be brought on by ourselves or satan himself but God uses them to help us grow. But it's up to us to accept the things He shows us and use them moving forward. It's up to us to take the insight He offers and accept it as a good gift. I know I wouldn't like to give someone a gift just to see them trash it or walk all over it. But many times that's what I do when He shows me something new, and I doubt it's just a problem that I face.

Nonetheless, this blog serves to be more of a reminder to myself than anything else. When I face hard times, there are somethings I need to remember. First, I must have faith no matter how hard it gets. Next, I need to pray that He close the gaps in my faith. I must also treasure the insight He offers like a good gift--because it is. I must use it over and over and never assume that it has an expiration date. Finally, I must be willing to change and the only way to do that is to stop driving in my own ruts. The deeper they get, the harder they are get out of.

When You Don't Feel Like It

I think we often over think our faith. Lately, I'm hearing more and more people say things like, "God has given up on me", "I can't feel Him" or "I don't think He's listening to me". I think we've all had times where we encountered feelings similar to that. I think it's simply human nature to want to feel something, or sense something. But I wonder how many of us truly understand the very concept of faith.

Wikipedia says this about faith.

Faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity. It can also refer to beliefs that are not based on proof. Religious faith appeals to transcendent reality, or that reality which is beyond the range of normal physical experience.

Some critics of faith have argued that faith is opposed to reason. In contrast, some advocates of faith argue that the proper domain of faith concerns questions which cannot be settled by evidence.

Dictionary.com defines faith like this.

"Confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability. Belief that is not based on proof"

Faith and human reasoning don't always mesh. Human nature  comes with the tendency that desires explanations, understanding and/or feelings. Faith is NOT a feeling. If you have faith, He allows us to dwell in His presence by dwelling in us. Sometimes you just have to believe even when you don't feel like it. And sometimes you have to focus intently on Him, tuning everything else out that doesn't align with His word in order to simply move forward.

There have been many times in my life (and there still are) times when I just don't feel like praying. There are also times when I don't feel like following His Word, or obeying what He's saying in my heart. There are many, many times when my emotions want to rule, or my mind wants to over think certain things to make me doubt my faith. But the times thatHhe's blessed me most are times when I do it anyway, putting my fleshly desires aside. The mere act of putting the flesh aside proves just how serious we really are about our faith.

The Christian life isn't one that just happens. Walking with God takes intent and focus, or at least it does for me. It's like I'm walking and talking with Christ in a wooded area. We're on this winding path, of which I would never be able to find my way through on my own. So if I start to look too hard at the beautiful scenery, I start tuning Him out. And it doesn't take long before I can't hear Him anymore, nor can I see Him because I got distracted.  I'm not saying that we have to tune others out. I'm saying that our primary focus in life should be to please Him. And in order to do that, we must pray, seek and listen...even when the the world tells us otherwise.

We were created in His image, although our own ways distort the greatness of His ways. Just like we each want to seek and be sought in our relationships--so does He. When I lose Him in the woods, it's my job to yell out to Him--if I'm serious about my relationship with Him. I need Him, and I must start calling for Him immediately to ask for forgiveness and His help to stay the course. I have to make the effort to connect with Him in order to move forward. Of course, He didn't abandon me, He's been nearby all along. He expects me to learn from the times where I feel lost without Him and to be driven by those times I've failed to stay focused on Him to do just that.

We humans aren't ones to accept things very well, or even remember them, if we don't have to work for it. If we don't have to put any effort into it, we quickly become stale and bored. If we don't have to seek it, we don't really want it. He wants us to love Him, although we can never love Him to the extent that he loves us. And He wants us to seek Him in order to show it, fulfilling our part of this relationship.

When you can't feel Him, seek Him. That's when you should seek Him most because you're right where Satan wants you if you don't. I encourage you to pray even when you don't feel like it. When you don't know what to say, simply thank Him for things he's done. He's only asking for our efforts, because it's been proven over and over that we won't be perfect in this life. But don't stop believing. Don't let your emotions rule you. If you do, you won't be happy with the results later.

Child-like Trust

My youngest daughter, Juliette, is not quite a year old yet. A few days ago, I grabbed her and threw her up in the air. As she bounced back into my arms, she giggled uncontrollably. She didn't flinch. She didn't show the slightest sign of fear. I couldn't help but notice that I had her complete trust. She had no doubt that I would catch her. My Lord used that instance to show me the meaning of complete and utter trust--the kind He wants me to have for Him.

Now that I look back, there have been many instances my kids have displayed complete trust for me. I take it for granted and perhaps I expect their trust. Since we work to provide a safe and loving home, they have no reason to distrust me. Granted they've had their fair share of pain from mishaps, mistakes and growth, they've "had it" quite well. And they've proven time and time again that they look to me as a type of safe haven.

Isaiah, my only son, asks me each night at bedtime whether he can sleep safe--safe from monsters and whatever else enters his vivid imagination. And each night, he is satisfied simply with my words, "No nothing will get you. Those things are made-up for movies and books. They're not real." He doesn't argue. He is simply satisfied with the reassurance I offer him. Why? Because he trusts me.

When my oldest daughter, Kearney, was little she would cling to me wherever we went. If she felt unsafe, her cling turned into more of a slow strangulation. It used to frustrate me but looking back I see that she clung to the person with whom she felt safest. She trusted me, and she still does although she's grown to think that I know less and less (oh the joy of teen years). As she gets older, she becomes more like me in that she has to see and understand for herself. Kearney wouldn't let me teach her how to swim. The more I persuaded her, the more she insisted in her own way. She eventually had to observe others and try it on her own. She and I aren't a whole lot alike but in that way, we think alike. I've always been guarded. I've always had this need to do my own thinking to the extent that I have to see for myself more times than I care to admit. I've always had trouble giving up control. Trust doesn't come naturally for me and it gets harder with age.

Isn't it just like us to become more distrusting as we grow older? Age doesn't always make us better. In many cases, it makes us more bitter, resentful and cautious. As we "grow" (by the world's standards), experiences take away that innocent trust of a child. Once the damage is done and we realize how important those child-like ways are in our spiritual lives, we spend the rest of our lives trying to revert.

I realize that trust is something we work towards. It doesn't come overnight. It's practiced over and over and over. As I believe, I am to apply that belief in sticky situations--instead of flinching. As with anything else-- the more we apply God's truths, the more natural they become to us. I want to have the trust for God that my kids have for me. Instead of flinching when trials come, I want to be so grounded in Him that my peace is never shaken. I want to hear His word, His reassurance and never doubt. And I pray you do too. We have no reason not to trust him completely. He loves us abundantly.