Go First - But Don't Put Yourself First

No one gives us a manual on marriage and no human has all the answers. It's detrimental to our relationships that we, as a society, put more emphasis on self rather than our spouses. When we buy in to the romance that Hollywood portrays, we miss out on something so much better. But when we step out beyond ourselves, we are able to experience the love God meant for us. The hardest thing for us to get, as humans, is that it just isn't about us.

Someone has to be willing to go first. Someone has to be willing to be changed for the sake of the other. Maybe in an ideal world do you hear of both people going at the same time but obviously we don't live in one. What was so hard for me to accept is this:

People have to want to change, we cannot make them. If we try and manipulate the change ourselves, they'll resent us for it later. They have to be in the position of seeking change with all their hearts before they can hear or even consider. Chances are you need changes at least as much as they do, so why not go first?

The person who wants change the most has to be willing to meet the others person's needs as much as necessary without asking for anything in return.  That person has to want change badly enough that they're willing to overlook "petty" things in order to see some changes take place beyond themselves.

That person has to be willing to forgive and give the benefit of the doubt, because forgiveness is key in relationships between flawed people - and we all are flawed. I have realized that my husband has had trouble forgiving himself of certain things. My forgiveness seems to set forgiveness in motion full circle. Last week, I asked him to share with me what I do that makes him feel loved the most. His response was an unexpected but pleasant surprise, " You show me kindness when I mess up."

Go first, be willing to be transformed by the One who knows what He is doing. Give up what you want because that's the best way to show love. Don't wait on Him to change someone else's heart when you could be missing out on a bigger blessing. Sometimes we don't know the why's, how's or what if's but we don't really have to know - we just need to trust that it's always His desire to heal relationships.